All Hands, No Common Sense
by Anonymonimus
Summary: Dipper can't keep his hands to himself even when customers are roaming the shop and Bill's trying to finish his shift with his dignity in tact. SMUT WARNING


**This one-shot was beta'd by Maya Gordelia!**

 **Many thanks to her!**

* * *

Things at the Shack were as different as ever now that Dipper and Bill had finally begun dating. Bill not only demanded a full time job at the Mystery Shack but also space to live with Dipper. Ford had vehemently denied the request at first, until Grunkle Stan had gotten around to talking to him. It had taken some time but he managed to get through to his brother. And so, a week later, the Mystery Shack was as loud and insane as ever – which was fantastic for business.

Grunkle Stan had decided to abuse Bill's magical abilities to showcase him as a "victim" of a supernatural attack that left him floating just a few feet in the air permanently. He also made the demon lead tour groups through exhibitions and man the cash register when days were slow. Ford opposed and disapproved of Grunkle Stan's money making tactic, seeing as he worried word on Bill's magical capabilities would get out and draw attention from the wrong people – notably the US Government. Again. And though Grunkle Stan insisted they would be fine, whatever storm may come, all of them knew they would find a way to deal with it and come out just fine. At the given point, it was practically a Pines family trait.

Anyway, today had been a slow day. Dark clouds hovered over Gravity Falls and threatened to spill rain at any given moment; they were likely the reason for keeping most of the Mystery Shack's customers confined to their homes. For that reason, Stan didn't need as many people working the shop and so allowed Mabel to go hang out with Pacifica and Dipper to do whatever he wanted.

"This isn't fair." Bill complained, hovering angrily three feet from the ground. "Why do you get time off and _I_ don't?"

"Because they still haven't forgiven you for all the shit you pulled back in the day." Dipper smirked and leaned on the counter.

"God, what is _with_ you humans and holding onto grudges!?" Bill sighed exasperatedly and did a flip, "Why can't you let bygones be bygones?"

"Well, you did try to bring about the Apocalypse…" Dipper reminded with an amused smile.

"Yeah, like _seven_ _years ago_!" Bill snarled like it wasn't that big a deal.

"And, in Ford's case, you—" Dipper began but Bill slapped a hand over his mouth before he could finish.

" _Bygones_ , Pine Tree!" He said.

Dipper rolled his eyes but dropped the matter all the same. An adorable – and slightly manic – laugh left Bill's plush lips. He sighed as he looked the demon over. The body the blond had chosen for himself was outstandingly gorgeous – a work of art – and Dipper could touch it all he liked. A part of him still questioned his decision to start a serious relationship with a powerful entity that had once been his mortal enemy. If he had any common sense whatsoever, Dipper would break off the relationship immediately but it just so happened he had none.

"What are you looking at?" Bill asked with a small blush on his cheeks.

"You." Dipper answered.

"I know you are!" Bill scowled, "It was subtext for _stop staring at me_!"

"Why?" He asked cheekily.

"Because you're embarrassing me!" Bill stated but began to hover more closely to the ground, "And…" he said a bit more quietly, "You're putting all these naughty ideas in my head…"

"That's because your head's always in the gutter." Dipper stated bluntly.

" _Mine_!?" Bill exclaimed with a laugh, "What about _you_ , Mister I-need-you-to-beg-for-my-dick-and-moan-as-loudly-as-you-can!"

"I never said my mind wasn't." Dipper defended, "But now I'm curious. What sort of dirty things were you thinking?"

Bill's face suddenly became beet red. He lowered himself to the ground and shyly kept his gaze fixed on his feet. "You're such a pervert…" he mumbled.

"You love me." Dipper sneered and leaned over the counter separating him from Bill to kiss him.

The demon kissed back hesitantly but was quickly pulled into the sweet sensation as the contact was deepened. He opened his mouth to allow Dipper's tongue in and did his best to resist the moans threatening to pour out. Dipper brought his hands to Bill's face, cupping his cheeks before rising to tangle his fingers into his golden hair. Bill released a soft mewl as the brunet tugged ever so playfully at his locks. The demon's fingers dug into the wood of the counter as it helped him maintain balance. He had half a mind to drag Dipper to his side of the counter and have sex on the floor then and there. They could have spent hours kissing but they were just then interrupted by the store bell ringing. They ripped themselves away from one another just in time, seconds before three customers walked in.

"Hello." Dipper awkwardly said as he leaned against the counter.

Bill forced a smile and fixed his roughed up hair quickly, "Welcome." He added.

The three responded in kind with curt nods of the head. They began to browse through the display of shirts and other cheap trinkets Grunkle Stan sold for an outrageous price. Bill and Dipper stood in place awkwardly for a moment until the latter sighed and flashed a smile.

"Well, I guess I'm going to go." He said.

Bill pouted. "Fine." He mumbled. "See you later."

Dipper then winked and made to leave the room. He was sure to keep an eye on the three customers and when they all had their backs turned to him, he hurriedly slipped behind the work counter without having made the slightest of sounds. Bill looked as shocked as he did confused, wondering what the hell his human was up to until Dipper raised an index to his lips so as to indicate silence.

"No!" He whispered harshly, "That's a terrible idea!"

"I want to touch you!" Dipper argued quietly, "And I think it's a pretty great idea!"

"How is it that the _demon_ has more sense than you!?" Bill snapped and he did raise a very valid point.

"I don't know," Dipper smiled, "I guess you just make me want to do crazy things."

Bill paused, utterly dumbfounded, as a blush coloured his face. "Stop being so cheesy!" he growled, "It's too frigging adorable…"

Dipper smiled at himself. He would have added something else had the three customers not made their way to the cash and taken Bill's attention. As it so happened, the three were tourists from a different state and wanted information on the tours seeing as it didn't seem like the Mystery Shack was giving any on the current day. As the demon informed the customers like a proper employee, Dipper decided to indulge in his mischievousness. He had never been so audacious before but he supposed it had something to do with Bill's influence. From sex friends to boyfriends, the blond really _had_ made him do some incredible things.

Dipper glanced up quickly, making sure he was well hidden and waited an additional moment to make sure the customers had no idea he was there. When he was fairly convinced, he carefully and quietly began to fiddle with Bill's pants. The demon had been in the middle of saying something when he stopped abruptly because of Dipper's hands.

"Is something wrong?" One of them asked.

"U-uh…No…" Bill answered slowly as Dipper undid the zipper. He bit his lower lip and took in a shaky breath before forcing himself to continue, "I just…uh—something completely irrelevant came to mind! That's all!"

Dipper snickered to himself as the conversation took its normal course. He then began pulling Bill's pants down just barely enough to get his cock out. Dipper smirked when he saw the blond was already half hard. He wondered just how he could go about flustering his demon all the more and decided there was nothing better than a surprise blow job. Dipper brought his face closer to the slowly erecting member and blew gently on the tip. It made Bill flinch and yelp but he pursued the conversation with the customers all the same. Dipper laughed to himself quietly and wondered if he could get Bill to break his composure enough to betray what was going on behind the counter. He supposed there was only one way to find out.

The brunet glanced up one last time just to catch a good look of Bill's nervous expression seconds before gently taking in the tip of his cock in his mouth. He felt Bill stiffen in more ways than one which only inspired a bigger smile to grow on his face. Slowly he took in more of the hardening cock and paid close attention to Bill's trembling voice. Dipper gently began bobbing his head, careful to not make the slightest sound.

"But here's what I don't understand," One of the customers continued, "What's the point in making a student discount if it's just twenty-five cents cheaper than the normal adult fee and five dollars more expensive than the children fee?"

"You and me both." Bill said stiffly with a great deal of annoyance.

He hoped the conversation would end soon but the one customer insisted on ranting about how unjust he deemed the prices to be. Bill wanted nothing more than to smite him but not only did he now lack the power, his cock was in the very delicious mouth of his human and there was nothing more he wanted to do than moan and shout his pleasure to the world. However, he had to keep his self-control in front of customers.

Dipper didn't seem to care about that – something he made clear as he took Bill deeper into his mouth with every painfully slow bob of his head. He helped the situation even less when his greedy hands started fondling the demon's ass.

"You seem a little red." A different customer said, "You feeling okay?"

"I'm _fi_ ne!" Bill exclaimed with an embarrassing voice crack.

"Maybe we should just go…" The last one said, "I don't think we're going to be buying anything anyway…"

"Yeah." The first one said and led the other two out the door, "We'll see you when we come back for the tour some other day."

"Alright, see you soon." Bill said with a very forced smile and wave.

The second the door closed, he let out the most obnoxious moan and nearly collapsed to the floor. His quick hands resting against the counter were the only things keeping him up.

"You're the biggest—ahn!—idiot ever!" Bill snapped between moans.

"You love it." Dipper sneered, releasing the now completely erected cock from his mouth.

Bill scanned the empty store quickly before sinking to Dipper's level. "Of course I do!" Bill said as he seated himself on the other's lap. He slipped his arms around the brunet's neck and kissed him hastily, "Your all hands, no common sense way of thinking makes me proud!"

"Does it make you horny?" Dipper grinned brazenly.

"Don't ask stupid questions—" Bill said and crashed their lips together again.

The two began fumbling desperately at their pants, Bill pushed his down further while Dipper undid his and pulled out his own hard cock. The brunet then took both his and the demon's erections in one of his hands and began pumping them together. Bill threw his head back and groaned, thrusting his hips in sync with the way Dipper's hand moved. The added friction of their cocks just rubbing each other the way they did and the adrenaline of possibly being caught was too much. They kissed one more time before climaxing together, most of the hot white liquid staining Dipper's shirt.

Bill slumped over Dipper, resting his head in the crook of his neck as he breathed heavily. They stayed as such for a very long time, until Dipper's hands disrupted the quietness they had settled into. He grabbed the demon's butt again, massaging the globes of perfectly soft flesh with his fingers which steadily wandered to his hole. Bill squeaked and gripped Dipper's shirt tightly, waiting eagerly for the blissful feeling of being penetrated.

"I'm not sure… doing that here is a good idea…" Dipper admitted.

"You're saying that _now_?" Bill asked incredulously, "Kid, that boat's sailed long ago! We're both horny and I'm not moving so you'd better get with the program!"

"Then get some lube so I can make this go faster." Dipper said.

Dipper barely had the time to register the loss of weight on his lap when it suddenly returned. "Here." Bill said, shoving the tube into Dipper's chest. "Now get to it, Pine Tree!"

Dipper smiled and shook his head slightly as he opened the tube and squirted a generous amount of lube onto his fingers. He brought them back to Bill's entrance and teased the twitching muscles at the entrance before finally pushing the first digit in. The blond inhaled sharply and let out breathy moans as the finger slowly stretched him with every languid thrust. Then Dipper added a second finger and reached deeper inside the demon, successfully probing his prostate repeatedly. Gasps and yelps left Bill's lips as he dug his fingers deeply into the flesh of the brunet's arms while he desperately tried to remain as quiet as possible lest someone came in the store and heard them.

"Hurry up!" He begged as the third finger was inserted.

"Just a little more." Dipper whispered and kissed his cheek.

Bill bit his lip but waited until Dipper finished. There was no use in complaining and being finger fucked was far more pleasurable than he gave it credit for. Luckily for him, his partner knew exactly how to make the experience far more blissful than Bill could on his own. He just knew the right way to curl his fingers and the perfect pressure to put on that special spot. But it simply didn't compare to being so completely full and pummelled by a thick dick.

Dipper thankfully finished up quickly. The moment he pulled out his fingers, Bill grabbed the lube and squeezed the liquid onto the brunet's cock hastily, not wanting to wait a second longer. Then he lifted himself onto his knees and aligned himself properly before slowly sinking down onto the cock he had been craving. Bill let out a quiet moan of relief whereas Dipper simply sighed. Their moment of relaxation, however, was short lived as the need for friction consumed the two of them.

Bill began lifting himself up and down with Dipper helping by guiding his movements. The latter tried to thrust up but the awkward position he had on the ground didn't allow for much proactivity. The demon didn't seem to mind too much – or so he assumed by the obnoxious and dirty sounds that passed his lips. Bill was getting so loud that Dipper had to cover his mouth with his hand to muffle them. The walls of the Shack were thin and he knew Grunkle Stan and Ford were still in the building.

"Mm—I need to cum—!" Bill whined as he increased the speed of his movements and held onto one of the shelves within the counter for better support.

"Yeah?" Dipper groaned with a shaky breath. He was feeling the familiar coils in his stomach that indicated he would climax soon. "Don't hold back—"

"Touch me…" Bill begged.

The expression the blond bore was absolutely arousing. His pupils were blown wide, practically consuming any colour that would have once been visible and the very features of his face, in that instant he pleaded for more. Dipper was ready to give anything to watch that face as it continued to contort itself with pleasure and hear the gorgeous sounds he knew Bill was capable of making without a muffle. So he removed his hand from his mouth and lowered it to the weeping prick just below.

Bill practically cried when Dipper finally took it and began pumping it in time with his movements. Everything quickly became erratic, erotic, and loud. Bill moaned louder and louder as he approached his limit and Dipper also had trouble keeping his voice in check. Never had either been so consumed by lust before. And when they finally came together, never had they been so satisfied and, arguably, exhausted.

Bill collapsed on Dipper, his forehead pressed against his chest. The two breathed heavily and trembled a bit from their hard ejaculation. "Hey, Bill," Dipper said after a long moment, "Bring us to my room…"

"Sure…" He said tiredly and snapped his fingers.

They suddenly landed on Dipper's bed in the same position they had previously been. Bill lazily peeled himself off his lover and laid next to him with his face buried in a pillow. Dipper let out a breathy laugh and nudged him.

"You're not done your shift." Dipper reminded and glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table. "You've still got about two hours left."

"No I don't." Bill declared. "I'm done."

"Grunkle Stan'll be mad." Dipper teased.

"Then take my shift." Bill said, "Own up to your responsibility."

"My responsibility?" Dipper laughed.

"Yeah," Bill said and peaked over, "You're the horny kid who couldn't keep his hands off me."

"But did you mind?" Dipper asked.

"Whether I minded or not doesn't matter." Bill stated, "What I said still stands. But no, I didn't mind."

"Alright, fine." Dipper conceded with feigned exasperation, "But can you at least clean up the mess we made?"

Bill groaned but still snapped his fingers and the mess was suddenly cleaned. Dipper found that it was one of the scarce benefits of dating a demon. His magic was the best life-hack.

"Thank you." Dipper said and slipped off the bed. He kicked off his pants and pulled on a different pair before adding, "You better hide that ass of yours in case someone walks in. I'll be back when I finish your shift."

"Wait." Bill said before the former could leave.

"What?"

"I want a goodbye kiss." Bill declared, propping himself on his forearms.

Dipper stared at him, dumbfounded. He laughed when he snapped out of it and shook his head. "To think you tried to bring about The End of the World seven years ago." He snickered and pecked his lover's lips.

"What did I say, Pine Tree?" Bill grinned, "You've got to let bygones be bygones."


End file.
